Leap Day

Forever, I'm always yours.. :)

My H@#3y :)

:)

My first time seeing you.

It wasnt the ideal location.  It was not even near the sea. Nor was it on a sunset afternoon. I didn't think I'd fall in love in such a set-up. Until now, it still makes me laugh a bit. :) I would never forget how your gaze made me feel unexpectedly dizzy... and turned the pretentious me, who made efforts to maintain my composure, into a love-stricken blockhead. :))

Whoever comes to mind after reading this. :)

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

All about you.

I know how you look like, I know your voice, I know your scent and I know your name.
I know your phone number, I know where you live, I can feel your warmth and I know your habits.
Even though I get better knowing about you,
There are lots of things that I still don’t know about you.
I am afraid of myself, worrying, that maybe I just like everything of you.

The dream of Clara

In my room, which has always been dark
When the candles are lit one by one
Memories of that white night when you left me come find me
Like the snow in the middle of winter
Waltzing with you made me laugh
Your hands led me and we walk through my fantasy together
* If I open my eyes, it seems like it will disappear
I couldn’t love you all that I wanted
But you always hugged me and spoke of love
It was a beautiful dream that I sadly longed for
My love, you, who made my heart race, goodbye
* Repeat
I am stupid for foolishly not being able to forget that promise
Though I know there’s no use even if I wait endlessly
Foolishly, I endlessly wait for that promise
But I curl up and stay up all throughout the long night
In my room, which has always been dark
When the candles are lit one by one
Memories of that white night when you left me come find me
The dream of Clara
x

Now I'm erasing, really erasing.
The memories of you, all of it.
I know perfectly well, it's no use.
But I'm still like this, out of habit.

I try, but really..
My heart is yearning for you whom I can't forget.
I am welling up to say "I love you"
So.. I cover my mouth.

This is my sad story.
A difficult story.
A hopeless love story.
It's difficult.. but even if it's just for one day,
I want to continue looking at you.

I know it can't work.
This is yours and my story.
I try, really.
Countless times I tell myself.
But your face lingers.
I can't help myself.

Now.. although we didn't make it,
It's a story that I have given everything I have.
Even if it's by chance, as i walk, I want to run into you.
I know I shouldn't wish for this.
This is yours and my story.

Christmas Break! :)

My Christmas Break Bucket List:


1. Finish at least 3 books!
2. Spend Christmas with my family.
3. Dip Dye some stuff.
4. Random act of kindness.
5. Paint pottery.
6. Buy a bird. :D
7. Go on a road trip at night, to see the Christmas lights.
8. Make a homemade pizza.
9. Have a board game night.
10. Sleep under the Christmas Tree.
11. Go swimming.
12. Have a picture with Santa.
13. Attend Simbang Gabi.
14. Christmas Eve communion at church.
15. Send postcards.
16. Learn an instrument.
17. Do something badass. Go on a psycho trip with a friend and ring people's doorbells like crazy . Run before they get out, and catch you. :D
18. Watch a movie & get shushed in a movie theater.
19. Bowling.
20. Go to a concert with my friends.

21.

22. Christmas movie extravaganza. Elf, Home Alone, and The Santa Clause.
23. See my friends from high school.22. Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be.
24. Find a hobby that makes being alone feel lovely and empowering and like something to look forward to.
25. Suck it up and buy a new cellphone. Your old cellphone deserves to rest in peace.
26. Bangs and some highlights. :D

Merry Christmas! :)

<3

JPMAP Natl Youth Summit 2012

Posting Picturess!:)

White Party in Fontana.

Before we left for Manila:)

Near MOA to ride the Ferris Wheel :)

On board, going back to my hometown.

The beautiful sky. So puffy, I can almost touch it. :)

"Today" is such a painful word.

Today i wanted to explain to somebody. But he didn't want to hear it. So.. i wasnt able to. 

I was planning on cancelling my trip for the National Youth Summit (Nov 23-27). Even if I already bought the plane tickets, I was wiling to give it up. I didn't want to go to Manila. 

News got to me that my favorite Ninong passed away last night. I have to go see him for the last time on Nov. 23 in Los Banos. 

Come to think of it, I had opposite thoughts in the past. I really really wanted to go to Manila. I wanted to be in the same place as somebody. So i  did all I could to buy the tickets and to join the NYS. When I was buying the ticket last August, all the days before Nov 24 were all either fully booked or had prices three times the cheapest one. So I had no choice but to book that on Nov 23. That is my mom's birthday. I was actually leaving on my mom's bday. What an ungrateful daughter I am. Back then, I thot that it was okay, it was worth it because I was going to see that person finally. Now, I have no more reason to think that way. I feel soooo stupid. Why do I so desperately want to see that person. 

I feel like a part of me has left when he did. I don't feel the same.  I lost all my arrogance. I apologized to somebody a lot of times. But those words weren't enough. I caused him to hate me. "So much." Because he said that, I became afraid. Too afraid to even respond to what he was saying. over the phone. I was hesitant to answer his calls. What if he decides to end it. What if he tells me we should just forget everything. 

Like a fool, I changed everything. I changed my phone number. I changed the name on my facebook account. As if I could forever hide from him. 

I'm not angry at anyone. I'm just frustrated. So I'm gonna hide my self inside my shell. I don't plan to come out now, or tomorrow, or the day after. But I will definitely come out when I'm already fine. 

While me and sis were on our way home, the pedicab ride we had was like a trip to the cemetery. The driver seemed to be in a daze. Didn't have a sense of direction, as if he were not listening, distracted by life's grievances. Just like me. Me and my sis got thrilled every time we were about to crash into the gutters. This happened 3 times. So we ended up laughing. My sister said something was off. She asked what was wrong but. I laughed till my cheeks burned. Till my lips were about to rip open. Till i cried tears. That was when I realized how sad and angry and down I was. 

Arriving home, I had to show myself to the restroom. I shut myself in my room, I ddnt want to face anybody but I knew I needed to face the truth. My head and tummy were both aching. But I couldn't relieve myself. Must be a panic attack. It was as if my body made the choice to punish me. For all the wrongs i have done. So i could finally be forgiven, and make up for everything.  


Good Night.