Color my life.

Today, as I was just thinkin' about high school while I was in the cab on my way home, I saw an old friend of mine.  I didn't realize at first that it was him. So I stared for a little while. But then I recognized him after some time. Like 5 seconds? I didn't know if he saw me but I guess he didn't since he just stared back.


What happened right there? I was about to think maybe he has forgotten me so I erased those thoughts and looked away from him. I don't know if I did the right thing. Should I have called his attention? Urghh. I suck, reallyyyyyyy!!! xD


Anyways. Today was a bit of a tiring day. I dunno what was happening to me but I seemed to be down the whole day. I found it hard to smile and I felt like I was dragging my whole body to school. Maybe this just wasn't the day for me.


Maybe this was the consequence of the many nights I deprived myself of sleep. I've only been reading things at night, or if not, just the usual thing: social networking and stuff. Haha.. Hm. I feel like I'm inside a floating bubble. I know that the course I took now wasn't the right one for me. You see, I don't feel the kind of zest I should be experiencing! I don't feel that excited about the major subject that I have. And everythin' is just soooo dull.


There is this certain degree of ambiguity inside of me and I don't like it.. I feel sad for not realizing things at an earlier time. Right now, you can say that I'm full of regrets. I know it's a bad thing to keep regretting things. But I can't help it. I just can't. Where did I hit it off wrongly? T.t


Maybe it started when I was in my fourth year in high school. I really wanted to apply for a certain college but I felt so afraid that I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I sooooooo suck at making decisions. I wish I  can turn back time. :(

But now, I guess that it can't be helped at all. I have to deal with the consequences of my inability to make smart decisions. I have to make up for every single chance I wasted. I wish I'd be much more capable and independent. I wish I'd be given another chance to actually pursue the dreams that I've planned to chase back then. I wish I could go through something that would bring back the color in my life.


I dream of a life. I dream of a metamorphosis.

I miss a lot of things. :'(

I miss high school.

I miss my friends. my classroom. my seat. my seatmates. my best friends. 

I miss the people who took the time to listen to my thoughts though sometimes I didn't make any sense. 

I miss the people who rode a cab with me on the way home. I think that talking inside a moving vehicle is the most thrilling thing I'd ever experienced. The fact that these people were special to me made it more memorable. 

I miss how people would nag at how childish I was back then. Coz right now, I think I've only been focusing on the things a mature person would do.  

Hm. but today, I am also very happy. I found a picture wherein I was captured sitting alongside the shore with my best friend. I liked the picture and the discovery so much that I thought I might cry. I looked at the picture very earnestly and discovered that it was taken three years ago. I wanted to see how much I have changed so I continued observing the picture of the me from three years ago. 

I was moved by the chemistry between me and my best friend. it made me think of the times we were together. every single minute i was with her, i was very happy. i felt loved and i felt complete. :)

then i saw the smile i had three years back. it was a different smile. i wondered what was so vague with it so i tried to remember the moment when that picture was taken. and then i remembered. that time, i was very happy. i didn't need to strike a pose on the camera. that was a stolen picture. the person who took that pic was also my friend. we were having a party at the beach. we were carefree and we had no worries. That could've been the most perfect day of my life. :)